How to write your own wedding vows
- Ben Cooper
- 17 hours ago
- 4 min read
A practical, heartfelt guide for couples who want to say something real.
Author: Ben Cooper · Gold Coast, Queensland
Category: Wedding Guide
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Of everything couples stress about in the lead-up to a wedding, writing their own vows consistently tops the list. I hear it constantly at ceremonies across the Gold Coast, Tamborine Mountain, and the Scenic Rim — "We want to write our own vows but we have no idea where to start."
Here's the truth: you don't need to be a poet. You don't need a way with words. You just need to be honest about how you feel and willing to say it out loud in front of the people you love most. This guide will get you there.
"The best vows I've ever heard weren't the most eloquent. They were the most true."
FIRST — DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO WRITE YOUR OWN?
No. Under the Marriage Act 1961, there are certain legal words that must be spoken during any Australian marriage ceremony — these are non-negotiable and I'll take care of those. But when it comes to your personal vows, you have complete freedom. You can use traditional vows, write entirely original ones, adapt something you've found, or do a combination. There is no wrong answer here — only what feels right for you as a couple.
That said, if you're reading this blog post, you probably already want to write your own. So let's do it.
START BY ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS
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Don't open a blank document and stare at it. That way lies panic. Instead, grab a coffee, find a quiet moment, and just answer these prompts as honestly as you can. Don't edit yourself — just write.
THE ORIGIN
"When did I know you were the one? What was the moment — or the gradual realisation?"
THE SPECIFIC
"What's one small, ordinary thing you do that I love more than I've ever told you?"
THE HONEST
"What do you bring to my life that I genuinely couldn't imagine living without?"
THE PROMISE
"What do I want to commit to you today — not just for the good days, but for the hard ones too?"
THE FUTURE
"What does our life together look like in 30 years, and what's my role in getting us there?"
THE FEELING
"How do I feel standing here today — and how do I want you to feel when I'm done speaking?"
Your answers to these questions are your raw material. The vows themselves are just these answers, shaped into sentences and spoken directly to your person.
A SIMPLE STRUCTURE THAT WORKS
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If you're not sure how to put it all together, this four-part structure will serve you well. It's loose enough to feel personal and tight enough to keep you on track.
Step 1 — Open with something true
A line about who they are to you, or a specific memory that captures everything. This is what pulls people in.
Step 2 — Tell them what they bring
What has changed in your life since they came into it? Be specific — specificity is what separates a beautiful vow from a greeting card.
Step 3 — Make your promises
This is the heart of it. What are you actually committing to? Be real — "I promise to always load the dishwasher correctly" lands harder than you'd think.
Step 4 — Close with conviction
End on something simple and strong. The last line should be something you could look them dead in the eye and mean completely.
A QUICK EXAMPLE
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Here's a short example to show you how the structure flows in practice. This is just an illustration — yours will sound like you, not like this:
"I knew I was in trouble the night you made me laugh so hard I cried at a dinner party where I didn't know anyone else. That was three years ago, and I've been laughing ever since.
You are the steadiest, kindest, most quietly brilliant person I've ever met. You make me braver. You make me better. You make coming home the best part of every day.
So today I promise you this: I'll show up. On the easy days and the hard ones. I'll be honest with you even when it's uncomfortable, I'll choose you deliberately and not just by default, and I'll never stop finding reasons to be grateful that somehow, you chose me too.
I love you. Let's go."
THE DOS AND DON'TS
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DO:
✓ Write how you actually speak
✓ Use a specific memory or detail
✓ Make real, actionable promises
✓ Practise reading it out loud
✓ Aim for 1–2 minutes in length
✓ Have a printed copy on the day
DON'T:
✗ Copy vows from the internet verbatim
✗ Write something you can't say with a straight face
✗ Make it so inside-joke-heavy that guests feel lost
✗ Go longer than 3 minutes
✗ Leave writing them until the night before
✗ Try to memorise them — read from paper
SHOULD YOU SHARE YOUR VOWS WITH EACH OTHER BEFOREHAND?
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This is entirely up to you, and couples feel strongly on both sides. Some want the surprise and the raw emotional reaction of hearing each other's words for the very first time at the altar. Others find comfort in having read them beforehand so they're not caught completely off guard in front of 120 people.
My suggestion, if you do want to keep them secret: share the approximate length with each other so neither of you ends up delivering a five-minute epic while your partner reads out three sentences. Balance matters.
ONE LAST THING
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Cry if you need to. Laugh if something comes out funny. Lose your place and find it again. All of that is real, and real is what people remember. I've officiated ceremonies from Broadbeach to Numinbah Valley, and the moments that stay with me longest are never the ones where everything went perfectly. They're the ones where you could feel exactly how much two people meant it.
Mean it. That's all you need.
READY TO TALK ABOUT YOUR CEREMONY?
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Need help shaping your vows, or want to talk through what your ceremony could look like? I'd love to be part of your day. Get in touch for a no-obligation chat.
📞 0422 688 017
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